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From: H. Marx
Date: 11/10/97
It is now more than a year since a Dean of Quality was appointed to assist us all with quality control. We were told she would also co-ordinate our marketing and promotion activities. It is not her fault that the College web-site was out of action until a few weeks ago; it was unfortunate that the old Rector's parting shot was to order a change in the College's Internet domain name. As everybody knows, the new Rector has already taken steps to bring a co-ordinated IT policy to all the colleges in the Institute, and a new Co-ordinator has now been appointed. There is a rumour that he is setting up a committee to study the meaning of the term 'co-ordinate'. It appears that the short course unit, known as AAARG (Advancement of the Arts at Armageddon Research Group), is exempt from all this, and the main result of all their activity is that advertisements and information appear in print, in newspapers and educational directories, for courses which don't exist; while web links to the Institute remain impossible to find, and it wouldn't help if there were any, because the only pages where you get something other than 'This page under construction' are AAARG's, and they haven't bothered to consult Directors of Study and Course Leaders about the courses being listed. Some of these courses are merely glints in the eyes of AAARG - they call this test marketing: they advertise courses to see what response rate they get, to find out if it would be a profitable venture. The result is that Directors of Studies receive time-consuming inquiries for non-existing courses. Worse still, they also receive inquiries for courses announced in the Institute prospectus which are still grinding their way through the various stages of academic approval after the closing date for applications, which have no course leader, no-one to interview applicants, and no-one timetabled to teach them.
From: The Student's Union
Date: 20 Feb 2003
ARMAGEDDON UNIVERSITY STUDENTS’ UNION Students' Union President : Algernon Soprano Only a few days left to the deadline for entries to the Waste-a-Wanker Competition. Who do you want the Union Contract Committee to take out this year? So far, it’s almost neck-and-neck for the top five places. Who are, in reverse order: 5. Dr. Dibley of the Very Northern European Studies for continually appearing on BBC2’s “Paxman-takes-the-Piss” in order to persistently defend his Department’s “The Fairy Tales of Hans Christian Anderson“ Diploma, BA(Hons), MA and PhD courses. 4. Professor Proud of Underwater Studies for the piranha episode at Armageddon City Municipal Swimming Baths. 3. Dr. Roger(It’s only pre-exam nerves)Poot of the A.U. Medical Team for totally mis-diagnosing the emergence of the Sausage Roll Ecoli Epidemic which sent the University into quarantine (and the front pages of the tabloids) for three months. 2. Mrs. Ada Crabbe of Catering - for the sausage rolls! 1. Dr. Roger Poot of the A.U. Medical Team for accepting an all expenses paid six-week holiday in the Bahamas courtesy of Roche International after winning their “Prozac Prescriber of the Year” three times in a row. There are over 300 contenders. Therefore, competition is close. So, if you want your person to lose, don’t blame us if you didn’t enter their name. And. remember, only one name per entry. No entire Departments.