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From: Caesar's Daughter
Date: 08/10/97
It was unfortunate that last year's decision to appoint Armageddon's four new central purchasing officers preceded the decision to freeze all non-essential spending. The new posts were a response to audit criticism of former inefficient practices. However this year's audit-inspired admin review suggests that VFM may be needed in the staffing area also. The clamp-down on spending required new financial controls. Initially, proposals for expenditure of over 100 pounds had to be countersigned by a Dean. That threshold was later lowered to 10 pounds to show that we really do have a grip of our finances. Savings were especially dramatic during the summer vacation when no deans could be found and departments found themselves borrowing stationery.
From: The Dean's Office
Date: 20 Feb 2003
OBITUARY We are very sorry to report the death of Dr. William Wibsey of the Quantum Physics Department whom, we are informed, passed away peacefully in his sleep. His body was found yesterday - under the floorboards of the boathouse. Police forensic experts have placed his death at sometime around 1996. Dr. Wibsey graduated from The Very Northern European Studies Department in 1923 after gaining 1st-class honours in Runology & Aromatherapy. Dr. Wibsey appears, since his demise, to have (a) pioneered a type of student-controlled essay and exam assessment system - based on, controversially, merit. (b) written several extremely well-informed papers on Quantum Physics. (c) published an award winning book The Definitive Quantum Physics University Teaching Aid. (Harvard Press) and (d) become something of a popular and highly-paid Lecturer at Physics Symposia around the world. Apparently a much-publicized visitor to Monaco, Dr. Wibsey leaves a Rolls Royce, luxury yacht and ten-storey Condominium in Monte Carlo in trust for the post-graduates of his Department. The Finance Department reports that there is nothing unusual about academics continuing to draw salaries after unnoticed death and, at £85,000 p.a., Dr. Wibsey’s Claims for Expenses were about par for the course.